Negative emotions include anger, fear, disgust, sadness and rage. They are triggered by the conscience type. This type decides what we shouldn’t do. It is always poking holes in our ambitions. The aspirational type forms a natural balance to this. When we aspire to be or do something, the conscience is disregarded a little. This makes room for confidence and self-esteem. The conscience is no longer forcing us to work exclusively on ourselves. Now we can do something in the wider world.
Initially, this can lead to us being very productive. Issues occur when this is taken too far though. The aspirational state may sometimes overwhelm the conscience and lead to recklessness. When this leads us into problems, the conscience takes hold of us again. Then it overwhelms us too. Finding the right balance between our ambitions in the outside world and the standards we wish to hold ourselves to within is difficult.
Although it would be very difficult to break this cycle, we can find ways to increase the amount of time we spend within the transition. This reduces the amount of negative emotions we feel and the amount of reckless mistakes we make. To do this, we need to focus on keeping both positive and negative emotions in check.
At first, when we experience something that triggers an emotion, we react physically. The sensations we feel at this time are purely physical. We experience shaking, sweaty hands, clenched muscles etc. How we proceed in contextualising and understanding these sensations determines our emotional reaction. Sometimes, we avoid contextualising the situation at all. This causes dissociation. If we want to be able to feel as clearly as we think, we need to avoid dissociation and master this process.
To do this, it is necessary to focus on what is in front of us. Often, when we experience a trigger, we understand it based on our sensations. We recall previous times when these sensations were experienced. This makes the sensation stronger and causes a downward spiral. It’s entirely automatic when we do this. The emotional memories we recall are often implicit and unconscious. To interrupt this downward spiral or prevent it entirely, we must actively recall things that are relevant to the situation rather than the sensation.
For example, imagine arriving at home, placing your hand in your pocket and not finding your keys. Initial sensations may be those you associate with annoyance or anxiety. If you start to recall times when you felt annoyed or anxious, this will exacerbate the emotion. You sink deeper into it and the physical sensations become stronger. These sensations are so distracting that they prevent us from thinking clearly. So, instead of recalling emotions, you can also try recalling situations that are relevant. You can recall times when you lost your keys before or ways in which people can gain entry without keys. These recollections will help you find a way to solve the problem.
If the situation has already became emotional, it’s important to accept that it has. Understand that you are feeling emotions more intensely due to the recollections you are making. Trying to snap out of this doesn’t really work. Understanding what is exacerbating an emotional reaction helps you avoid making it more intense though. This will give you an opportunity to decide how you would like to react.
Sometimes we don’t have the skills or the resources to solve a problem. In these situations, it can feel like there’s a choice to be made between dissociation and despair. It is also possible to be patient though. To be patient, we must avoid making our emotions worse for ourselves. In such circumstances, it is better to recall relevant situations that trigger opposite emotions. This will bring balance to our emotions and help us tolerate a problem. This gives us more time to fix it.
Finding patience is another skill that requires practice. When we feel frustrated, it is because an ideal solution isn’t immediately available. It’s necessary to find the relevant emotional memory to balance this frustration. We may go through a lot of different emotions as we try to find a balance. This makes us turbulent.
Imagine your car breaking down in the middle of nowhere. You call for help but discover that a tow truck will take at least three hours to arrive. Frustration sets in. At first, you may recall times when you felt delayed. You may feel that your time is being wasted and you are being disrespected. Or, you might look around at your unfamiliar surroundings and begin to feel fear. This could also be exacerbated by recalling things that made you feel afraid. Rather than dwelling on these things, focus on what is in front of you. You might see a flower growing by the side of the road. It may remind you of other flowers you have seen and bring some happy memories. This emotion can also be dwelled on and exacerbated. Waiting for the tow truck will begin to feel less frustrating as a consequence. Your muscles will loosen up and you can begin to relax in an otherwise frustrating situation. Once relaxed, new solutions may begin to occur to you.
Like any other skill, these things take time to learn. Actively recalling explicit memories is much harder than the recollection of implicit memories that occurs unconsciously. It is worthwhile skill as long as it isn’t overdone though. While emotional management can be useful, sometimes emotional intensity can be of benefit to us too. The conscience and aspirational types are the gateway to the shadow. So are our emotions. Integration of the shadow requires that we form a dialogue. In doing so, we may discover what is repressed and useful as well as things that require management.
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